A Tale of Christmas Greens

tale of Christmas greensTwas a cold day in December when the lady of the place,

Decided she needed  some Christmas greens  to fill an empty place.

So dressed up very warmly, with boots so she wouldn’t fall,

She found her handsome husband, looking rugged in coveralls.

Hand in hand together, they headed through the snow,

When suddenly they heard a noise that made them say “Oh no!”

They turned around in horror and saw to their dismay,

They were being followed by a piglet, out of his pen that day.

“Go back you pesky varmint” yelled the woman of the place.

But that curious little piglet just kept right up with their pace.

She waved her hands and stomped her feet but it was of no avail.

That piglet would not turn around, for he thought her basket was a pail.

And pails mean food in a piggy’s world, so he kept up with their gait.

And with a sigh they realized, they had to take a piglet on their date.

Flying Pigs

While most people would consider this a season of flying reindeer – around here we are more burdened with flying pigs.

Yes, you saw that correctly. Flying piggies.

We discovered this amazing feat quite by accident. The electric fence was down one day last week and the entire herd of pigs took advantage of this oversight on our part, rooting up my yard, making it look like a bomb crater.

This is not pretty. Nor will it be fun to mow next summer.

As soon as the fence was fixed, most of the pigs stayed in the pen – except for four little piglets. These little varmints have been out every day expanding the mess in my yard.

I declared war, sending Pedro out to lower the fence, expecting them to get a good zap when they tried to get under it.

It didn’t work because they didn’t go under it – they went over it.

when pigs flyYes, my friends, pigs can fly. They jumped that electric fence with such form and grace it would make Bambi proud.

I saw them myself.

I do not lie.

They took a running start and flew right over that fence.

I told you these pigs were amazing.

Since they are so intelligent, maybe we should train them to pull a sleigh? I wonder if we could attach reindeer antlers? Think of the marketing potential!

Move over Rudolph – meet the flying porkers!

Maybe if I post a video on YouTube Santa will see it and want these amazing piglets with him at the North Pole!

Anything to get them out of my yard.

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

pigs  fences country living After a recent walk with my husband to survey the damage done by the neighbor’s wandering pigs, I can say with all honesty…

“Good fences make good neighbors.”

I like pigs, don’t get me wrong. But boy can they make a mess fast!

They can root up a yard, a flower bed, or a garden with amazing speed! And when the ground is wet, they don’t even have to root anything – just their little hoofs will rip up the grass.

We were actually able to follow the muddy path they left from the yard, through the ditch, and all the way to the neighbors where they escaped.

<heavy sigh>

Thankfully we only lost a few plantings. They probably needed to be thinned anyway. The grass in the yard will eventually grow back.

And it wasn’t long before those wandering pigs became bacon and ham. Then the little neighbor  girl came knocking at our door with some home made fresh sausage as a peace offering.

So I guess I could also say in all honesty…

“Good sausage also makes good neighbors!”