It went by way too fast!
It seems like just yesterday that I started my first year of homeschooling with my oldest and now we’re talking about senior pictures and future plans!
This moment wasn’t supposed to come so soon – and I’ll admit to a few moments of panic.
One year from now he will be starting a new chapter in his life and my mind keeps asking – “Is he ready?”
“Have I done enough?”
“Did I cover all the academics he needs? What about life skills – did I remember everything?”
Then there’s the question of what’s next?
People have already started to ask what his future plans are. I feel like a terrible mother when I blush and stammer – “Umm… I don’t know”. But I don’t know because he doesn’t know.
And then I get all panic-y because I really do want to know. I want to have it laid out – our 5 year plan, our 10 year plan. But – that’s just it – it isn’t “our” life to plan – it’s his.
I can give guidance and input – but I can’t control or make those decisions.
That’s when I really get panic-y! What if he makes a wrong decision? What if he messes up?
But wait a minute – didn’t I mess up on occasion? I still do.
My goal in parenting isn’t to raise perfect children – that would be impossible. My goal is to raise mature kids who love the Lord with all their heart and want to serve Him.
So I think it’s time to stop fretting and get back on my knees. I need to give this boy back to God and let Him do the planning.
It really doesn’t matter what my son does next year or in five years, or in 10 years – as long as he’s doing what God wants him to do – this Momma will be proud.
But letting go isn’t easy…
Blue Jeans and Cotton Tees 
Sooo true!! What a blessing to watch them leave the nest, start their life on their own and still call home 🙂
~Cinnamon
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My now 20 yo told me this summer that she felt like a failure because she didn’t know what she wanted to do in 5 years. Being in the midst of a career change myself, I told her I didn’t know what I was gonna be doing in two months, let alone 5 years. But from now on, I will do what I love each and every day. My dream for her is that she will never settle for a just a job….that she will always do what she loves and love what she does.
And when you get on your knees about it, that’s what you are doing…trusting the Divine to lead him to find his true love. You’re doing “real good”, Mom. Hang in there.
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I can’t even begin to imagine the letting go stage. But I’m sure that you’ve raised him up well enough that even when he falls he’s going to be okay.
Our small group just started reading “One Million Arrows” by Julie Ferwerda. You should check it out. I’m really loving it so far.
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So – you have been reading my mind. My son just graduated and we are having his ceremony in Oct. We had him take a voluntary exit exam and I completely panic wondering if he was going to be able to pass it. Now I am fretting over college and wondering if he will survive. My son does know what he wants to do so I don’t have to worry about that question, but underneath, I am thinking “and what if he isn’t cut out for college, then what?” I think all of these thoughts and fears stem from the real reason why I homeschooled my children – I wanted the best for them in the best environment and now it is time to let go and allow all of that nurturing and teaching grow into the person God has designed him to be.
So far I am making over these hurdles and I know you will too 🙂
BTW – my son had that same shirt when he was little.
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aww… this made me tear up! They do grow up so fast…I don’t want to think about it!
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I know about letting go. All my kids are now adults, going to school, working, having kids, getting married…….my oldest is 26, in college, and raising my grandson, my middle daughter is not married, in college, and working for the largest retailer in the world and has been for a while now. My son is working hard and making a good living and enjoying life, and my youngest daughter has been going to college right out of high school with a goal of getting her masters in nursing. she is now an LPN working for a care facility, raising my granddaugher and is going to have another february 2011. Tears have been shed, mistakes have been made, and laughter and memories made will last forever and i am proud to be called their mom.
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